It's Okay

Do you feel like you're the only person who suffers with a mental health illness? Do you feel like that no matter how much you try and explain it to someone they won't truly understand what it feels like?

It's okay.

I constantly feel like I live in this little bubble, where i'm surrounded by all of these thoughts that try and drag me down and take me away from reality. But there is one thing that I have begun to learn, and that is that, it's okay.

It is okay to feel alone sometimes. It is okay to feel like no one understands what you're going through, and it is okay to feel like you can't speak about your problems to your nearest and dearest.

Mental health illnesses are SO common, but we don't realise it. We don't realise that probably, every person we look at or talk to are feeling the exact same as we are. We don't realise that it is probably SO EASY to get out of this mindset that we feel ourselves falling in to, day in and day out. But we don't realise that, because mental health illnesses won't allow us to. They want to take control, they want us to feel like crap all day, they want us to see the glass as half empty instead of half full. 

And that is okay.

Don't get me wrong, somedays (well, the majority of the time) I don't want to get out of bed and face the day. I don't want to feel motivated, (what even is motivation these days?!) and I certainly don't want to put on a 'brave' face, smile and say "yeah I'm fine" when I'm really not.

And that is okay.

I don't want to get dressed or put on a full face of makeup, just because that's what is deemed as acceptable these days. I don't want to tame my hair from it's unruly frizz, straighten it or put it in cute little french plaits.

And that my friends, is okay.

In no way, shape or form am I saying that it is okay to feel or suffer from depression- all I am saying is that it is okay to feel this way, because I know how it feels and I know how hard a day-to-day battle with it is. I am not saying that we should be consumed by this irritable darkness, or let it win. But sometimes, just SOMETIMES it is okay to feel this way. Because a battle can be exhausting, tiring and it can feel as though there are no chances of you winning that battle. But one day you will. One day you will be victorious, and all of these mini battles that you have to try and 'win' on a daily basis won't seem like battles anymore, and you will smile. You will smile again, you won't feel tired and you will want to get out of bed, put you favourite outfit on AND TAME YOUR HAIR IN TO CUTE LITTLE FRENCH PLAITS TOO.

So if you suffer from any mental health illness whatever that may be, I just want you to know that it it's okay. You are allowed to feel these ways sometimes, and you are allowed to recover in whatever way you see fit. But just remember that these mental health illnesses that are dragging us down? They won't win. They won't be victorious. They won't exists for much longer because, they cannot exits if we do not let them to. 

You just carry on being you.

And that is okay.

  

*NEW VIDEO* | COME BACK IN TIME WITH US!

Hey guys!

I have a new video up!

Me and my little sister Ellie went through some old photo's in the attic, and decided to share them with you all! I hope you all enjoy.

Give it a big thumbs up, like and SUBSCRIBE for more!

Lotta love,

Jessie x

Click HERE for the video!

*NEW VIDEO* | Chatty GRWM & 25 Facts About Me!

Hey guys!

I have a new video up on YouTube containing 25 facts about me, whilst you get the chance of watching me get ready! Oh you lucky lot you. 

For the video, click HERE

Click on the 'here' above to take you to the video!

Lots of love,

Jessie

x

BIG NEWS | I'm On YouTube

I did it. I'm on YouTube.

So I have been wanting and trying to start a YouTube channel for a while now, and anxiety the little minx doesn't really like you to fulfil your wishes... But I said a big 'stuff you' to anxiety and caring about what anybody thinks, and made a YouTube channel.

I decided to call my channel 'Jessie' because that's what my blog is called, and it is short and sweet.

I made my first introductory video today and i'm not going to lie, I was NERVOUS.

CHECK OUT MY VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNc8PyHt8oc

So go and check it out! Like, comment and SUBSCRIBE as more video's will DEFINITELY be coming your way!

Love and big hugs,

Jessie

x

Where Were You Our Father?

Where were you our Father?

When my heart began to break,

When the sky came falling down on me,

And the ground began to shake.

Where were you our Father?

When I spent many restless nights,

Crying in to my tear soaked pillow,

Pushing through all of my fights.

Where were you our Father?

When I could barely stand,

When I wanted to meet you face to face,

Why didn't you take my hand?

My child I was with you,

I was carrying you through the days,

You thought that this was your entire life,

But I promise it was just a phase.

My child I was crying,

I was watching your every move,

I watched you put your trust in the false,

But never Me did you choose.

My child I have got you,

I'm fighting for your life,

You don't need to damage your beautiful temple,

Now put down that damned knife.

My child now you'll listen,

You'll walk this walk with Grace,

You'll put every trust in Me,

Because I have put you in your place.

My child I love you,

Within you I exist,

Put your love and trust in Me,

And I will forever be in your midst.

- Jessica McKenzie - 

On A Sandy Path

God is mysterious. God works in ways that we cannot ever understand or imagine. He may reveal himself to us in the most normal way... But also the most 'magical' and absurd.

That is how my first revelation was. It was absurd. It got me thinking. It made me cry.

One night a few weeks before I got baptised, I was laying in bed thinking about if I was making the right choice or not. Whether getting baptised was really for me, or whether it was just a lovely thought that I had been thinking about for months on end. I couldn't make up my mind, so I decided to put my trust in God and ask him for guidance. After all, that is what He is there for isn't it?

So right before I went to sleep I spoke to God and word for word said, "God, I don't know if you can hear me or are taking any notice in what I am saying to you right now, but I need you to show yourself to me. I need you to show me that you are right here and that the choice of being baptised is the right one for me." Shortly after saying this I fell to sleep.

What happened next some may say is a coincidence. Some may say that it was indeed all just a dream, but it was VERY real. Things were said and revealed to me that there just is not an explanation for. 

I dreamt that I was stood on a sandy desert path. It sort of looked like something from the Aborigine times, but it also looked like a park in Manchester. It was really bizarre. All of a sudden, Jesus was sat crossed legged in front of me. He had is hand stretched out and He said to me "Take my hand Jess". I replied with, "I can't Jesus, I am not worthy enough of your grasp." Jesus literally laughed in my face, stood up and said, "Anyone is worthy, as long as they believe." So, I took Jesus' hand. 

When I woke up my arm was outstretched into the air, and I didn't really understand what was going on. I don't have dreams usually. I thought that I had either been sleep walking, or sleep talking or something. To be honest I was quite scared and I didn't want to go back to sleep, but this rush of tiredness came over me and once again, I was in a deep slumber.

I was back on the same sandy path. I was right back where I was when I had fallen to sleep the first time, except I was walking hand in hand with Jesus. On the other side of Jesus was a jet black shadow but in the figure of a man. All three of us were walking along this sandy path in silence, but it was comforting. I was at peace. Jesus then turned to me and said, "I have to let go of your hand now because someone else needs me, but carry on walking right beside me." So I carried on walking with Jesus and this shadow for ages and ages. It came to a point where we all just stopped on this sandy path and again, Jesus turned to me and exclaimed "you have to go now Jess. I am with you and I always will be." I felt heartbroken because I didn't want this feeling of peace and love to end, but I turned around and began walking the other way down the sandy path. I had no idea where I was going, but I headed the other way. All of a sudden, this incredibly loud booming voice shouted to me, "Tell Solomon I have heard his prayers, I am with him and I have got him." When I turned to look back, my partner's brother was staring right back at me and he was holding hands with Jesus. 

When I woke up it was the next morning, and I knew that I had to pass this message on to someone. I woke up my partner and I explained what had happened, and I also messaged his mum to say what had happened. I was in disbelief. I thought it was all a dream and I needed answers. Jesus had LITERALLY REVEALED himself to me, and yet I was still doubting it all. So Janet (my partner's mum) asked Solomon when he got home if he had been praying for anything recently. Solomon explained to Janet that he had been praying to Jesus about how to be a better Christian because he didn't feel as though he was on the right path. Little did he know he really was. He was on the path with Jesus, I had seen Jesus take him and walk with him. I had witnessed Jesus take Solomon on the right path where he needed to be. Jesus answered Solomon's prayers through me, and I was absolutely honoured. 

This made me realise that I needed to get baptised. I woke up feeling the same peace and love that I had felt on that sandy path. Not only do I never dream, but people rarely fall back in to the same dream twice. I honestly believe that this wasn't a dream. This was a revelation that I had asked for and got.

Obviously people are going to be like "it was only a dream", but you didn't feel what I felt. You didn't see what I had seen. I asked God for proof that He was there, and to see whether the decisions I was about to make were the right ones, and yes our Lord guided me. 

This was my first revelation of Jesus. People laughed in my face when I told them, and they told me to stop being so stupid. I knew that I wasn't the stupid one though- they were for being so ignorant. I felt blessed to be touched by Jesus. People will question Him revealing Himself through dreams, and question why He didn't do it when I was blatantly awake. But God is mysterious remember? And I love it. 

Goodbye Old Friend

Goodbye old friend,

I've turned my back,

You said you were helping,

But you kept me off track.

Goodbye old friend,

You caused me pain, 

You said I deserved to lose what I lost,

But you didn't tell me what I would gain.

Goodbye old friend,

You told me to cut,

You said that the blood helped ease the feeling,

But those wounds you helped me shut.

Goodbye old friend,

You were very wrong,

Those gloomy chimes inside of me,

Turned in to such a beautiful song.

Goodbye old friend,

I have found my peace,

I've closed that lid,

And your existence will cease.

Goodbye old friend,

I have started a new,

And by saying goodbye,

I wholeheartedly grew.

- Jessica McKenzie -