'YOUR SOUL IS ROOTING FOR YOU'

I don't like to state that I suffer from depression anymore, I like to classify myself as a 'survivor'.

Ever since I have started thinking with this mindset, I have genuinely felt a lot happier within myself.  Taking myself off my anti-depressants was a huge decision for me, and I thought that things were going to take more of a downward slope for me. I thought to myself that I need to find something that will give me a more positive outlook on life, and that would stop my mind seeking the upmost negative in most things.

Now seeing as though I study philosophy at university, and my next door neighbours this year at uni are all so spiritual (and this constantly gives me good and positive vibes), I kind of decided to look at things in a more spiritual light...

Studying the soul is one of my all-time favourite hobbies however, I never take time to look into my own soul and see how I can make it even better. For me, the soul is what makes us and what enables us to have the character that we have, and if we don't continue to care for our soul then we could lose ourselves and who we are.

So being off my anti-depressants, I noticed that my soul was going grey and I needed to be more positive about my life, day-to-day.

I noticed that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, and some form of good will come out of this at the end. Even if it doesn't happen straight away.

The world is a beautiful place, and you have a purpose. Remember, it isn't the world that is ugly, it is merely society and the way the world works. 

Last but not least,

Your soul is rooting for you.

SaveSave

The Villa | Levens

On Sunday 28th August 2016, me and my family went to the 'Villa' at Levens for my Grandad's 50th birthday meal.

The 'Villa' is now a hotel and restaurant, however this wasn't always the case. Originally, it was called 'Brettargh Holt', and was a family home for the Brettargh-Yates family in the era of 1871.

Later, it was owned by Sir Charles Walker who had a passion for orchids. This passion led him to build greenhouses against the garden walls which still remain. When Sir Walker died in 1920, Brettargh Holt was auctioned off and turned into 'Levens Hotel' by Micheal G Shaw in 1928.

However, Levens Hotel failed to obtain a liquor licence and was then sold onto the estate by Sam Ashcroft to the 'Sisters of the Sacred Heart'. In 1944, Brettargh Holt was turned into a convent and followed by a home for single mothers in 1946. This provided accommodation for up to 35 mothers and their babies.

Most of the children were adopted onto other families, but some still remained with their mothers. The society arranged for around 30-40 adoptions per year. In 1968 admissions ceased, and then the Salesian Sisters of St John Bosco ran the house and the grounds surrounding it as a retreat from the 1970's. This was for youth groups such as the 'Brownies'. In 2012, the Sisters left the building and it was then sold on to become the 'Villa' as it is now.

When we arrived, we were the first ones there as it was a surprise for my Grandad. We were greeted by a long table which was beautifully decorated, and we added the balloons that we bought. 

The meal was 3 courses. With a wide range of food to choose from, I decided to go with a Twice Baked Cheese Soufflé, Rib-Eye Steak (cooked medium rare with peppercorn sauce), and a Guinness Chocolate Mousse for dessert.

The soufflé came in this huge dish. With minimal garnishing and a sweet cider sauce, it contrasted really well with the cheese in the soufflé. The soufflé itself was light and fluffy as it should have been, and was filling itself for a starter. 

For my main I decided to have a steak because why not? To be honest, my steak was quite hard to cut - even with a steak knife, and it had quite a lot of fat on it. Apart from that, the rest of the second course was delicious. 

I was quite sceptical when it came to dessert. I was very full but I really wanted to try this mousse. I have never had Guinness before, so I did not know if I was going to like the dessert, but it was absolutely gorgeous. The jelly on the top of the dessert was very alcoholic, so it was easy to tell that this contained the most Guinness. The rest of the dessert was a rich chocolate and it went together very well. The ice cream that came with it was salted caramel flavour, and so was the sauce alongside it. I am a fan of salted caramel so I knew that I was going to like this aspect of the dessert. 

Overall, my experience at 'The Villa' was very enjoyable. The food was gorgeous but the company was even better. The hotel still had aspects of the convent, and you could tell that the design of the hotel was thought through to keep history in the building. I would highly recommend coming here if you are visiting the Lake District for a holiday or looking for somewhere to hold a special function, or just want a lovely meal. I couldn't have asked for a better turn out for my Grandad's 50th. 

SaveSave

How I Feel About Going Into My Final Year Of Uni

It is official. I am growing into an adult.

This time 2 years ago, I can vividly remember packing up all of my belongings and preparing to move into halls... and it only feels like yesterday. Today, I am currently sat writing a blogpost about how I feel about going into my final year of uni and ordering pretty stationary. 

If I am going to be 100% honest, I feel distraught about going into my final year of uni and nearly completing my degree. These past couple of years have legit flown by, and been the best 2 years of my life. I have met my life-long best friends, learnt important life lessons and found the person who I really am. 

Alongside learning everything from my degree, I feel as though I have also learnt the basic things in life which will stick with me throughout my future. I've learnt how to do a food shop every week (even though some may not see this as necessarily 'hard', trust me), I have figured out how to manage money for rent/bills/food shopping/luxury items, how to lead a balanced life and how to live my life and make the most out of it. 

As much as I do not want my uni experience to end, I have to accept it. It definitely has been a rollercoaster of events, but the best years of my life. 

For those considering university, I would always say go. Do not just go for the university lifestyle- always have a life plan ahead of you and focus on your goals and education, but the lifestyle will follow.

Make the most out of it. 

"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings"

- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

SLEEK // FACE CONTOUR KIT 'LIGHT 884'

Well I don't know about you but I sure do love a bit of contour.

When I look at other people who have perfectly defined cheekbones, I think to myself "damn, why can't mine look that good?!"... But then I discovered this little beauty and would you look at that, I actually have cheekbones now. 

I have been using Sleek for a couple of years now, and this has been my go-to contour kit ever since I discovered it. 

I use this in the shade 'light', because I am quite fair skinned. The bronzer is the perfect colour for me, and as for the highlight, it is just beautiful. The highlighter is quite subtle, yet you can absolutely tell that it is there. When it catches the light it looks all snazzy and shiny and wonderful.

This contour kit is a bargain at £6.49. The newest one I have, I received in May for my birthday. Even though the highlighter is on its last legs, the bronzer is still going strong and I use it every single day. Proof that you get your money's worth!

If you would like to give this bronzer a try, you can purchase it HERE. 

WHAT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION & ANXIETY IS REALLY LIKE // LIFESTYLE

Image can be found HERE

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post regarding my Mental Health Story which you can find HERE. Many people have different interpretations of what it is like living with depression and anxiety, so I thought that being a sufferer I would post what it is really like, to stop misinterpretations and judgements.

From experience, I know people expect and see sufferers to just be miserable and 'sad' all of the time. It may look that way and that is the view that is portrayed through the illness, but there is a lot more to what is just being seen from the outside. The reason I placed a cloud as the photo for this post, is because that is what it is like. Firstly, it feels like a cloud is constantly hanging over you and you don't know whether the cloud is going to go and the day is going to be clear, or if it is going to rain for days on end. 

I have been living with depression and anxiety for 6 years now, and everyday I still find it a constant battle. I know that people think that if you have depression then you can never be happy. That is not the case at all. Some days I will be incredibly happy, but like I said before I have a constant cloud over my head which can make my mood change in an instant. Anything can trigger off the side effects of depression. Some days I feel as though I physically can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to uni. The thought of getting the bus to uni alone terrifies me, and I find that I begin to feel so so sick, but that it just the anxiety kicking in. 

I am on medication for my depression and anxiety, and have been for 2 years now. I chose to go down this route because I feel as though this is the only method that helps for me. After trying all sorts of methods, I found that this is a last resort as nobody wishes to be dependent on medication for a long period of their life. However, after living with my illness for 6 years already, I didn't see what the problem is with relying on something that will eventually make me feel better.

One piece of advice that I will give to sufferers is that you always have to be honest and true to yourself. If you can't do that then you will not be able to access and take the help which is available to you. Because honestly, in the end everything will be OK. 

MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET'S // #1

I am living inside of a motivational mindset kind of world at the moment. This doesn't mean that I am being motivational physically, but spiritually I feel as though I need to get myself out of this negative spiral, I am slowly finding myself sinking back into.

I decided to add a 'Motivational Mindset' part to my blog, where weekly I will add the quotes I am living by that week to encourage myself and the rest of you who feel the need to be motivated. 

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." - Auguste Rodin

Quite often, I sit there and think that whatever I seem to do is always a waste of time. This makes me feel quite crappy about myself in some aspects, because I feel as though I should either be constantly on my feet doing something, or dedicating myself to something full-time. However, I then thought that because I go to uni I deserve to have some time off. I have just completed my first year, and the course I am doing is very demanding. It is constant reading, working out logical problems and trying to find answers to the unanswerable. I deserve to have some time to myself, and it shouldn't be seen as wasted time. 

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Like I mentioned earlier, I feel as though I am slipping into a negative spiral again. I have a tendency to overthink, which leads to anxiety and not wanting to leave the house. It makes you feel so awful about yourself, because I look at images of girls with flawless makeup on Instagram, or perfect bodies styling gorgeous clothes and I just feel like a potato compared to them. I came across this quote one night when I was in bed. It made me realise that I need to stop comparing myself to others in the sense of the way I look, academically and how strong I feel about myself, otherwise it won't do me any favours in the long run and it will just be an everlasting cycle.

"Don't say 'maybe' if you want to say 'no'."

I'm the sort of person who will always say maybe when I don't actually want to do something. For example I will say, "I might do it later" or "oh yeah maybe". I had a chat with my manager at work, and she inspired me to start saying no to the things that I don't actually want to do. People will see you as a pushover if you always say yes. My manager made me see that it shows those around you that you have control and lead of your own life, and that you are flexible and can do things in your own time. 

So there is my first Motivational Mindset post. I thought that these quotes may get you through the rest of the week as they have done for me.

Little Stationary Wishlist // Lifestyle & University Advice

Stationary is one of my all-time favourite things, and I just love to buy it. 

Seeing as though I am going back to university next month, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to put together a little wishlist with the things I am currently wanting, stationary wise! The majority of this stuff is from Paperchase, as their selection is just the cutest at the moment. Even though it is quite an expensive outlet, I just couldn't help myself.

(1) 10 Subject Notebook / £8.00

Last year at university, I had a NU Pad which had different sections in it. This was so handy for my different modules in lectures etc. however, I found that I had to purchase more and more as it just wasn't big enough to fit everything in. With this notepad, it gives you room for your different modules or subjects, with extra room for added notes. It is also colour co-ordinated, so that you can link everything up with different coloured pens etc.

(2) IKEA Candle Holder / £2.00

Even though this is labelled as a 'candle holder', I couldn't help think that my pens would look so cute in this on my desk. Firstly, its white which means it will go with practically every room decoration or design and secondly, they look large enough to fit a good amount of pens in. I myself would get a few of these, purely because I would want to sort out my pens into different pots so they are easier to find. For example, I would put all of my writing pens in one, coloured pens in another, tools in another and highlighters in another one. Bits of ribbon could also be added around the pots to add further decoration.

(3) Floral Journal / £4.50

Even though I have already displayed the 10 Subject Notebook, I think it is always handy to have a journal with you. I carry one in my handbag at all times, because I never know what list I might have to make, what phone number I have to write down etc. I may also have different ideas which I know I will forget, so having this is extremely handy. You can also keep this on your desk, or also in your handbag.

(4) Staedtler Pencils / £2.00

Pencils are a good shout. In lectures, I always get given photocopies of book parts which need to be read and annotated. I always use a pencil for this, because you can rub out any mistakes you make. Pencils are also good for doing first-drafts of essays. This way, you don't have to worry about making a mess of the paper with the pen, and little parts can also be added in easily.

(5) Standard Colour Gel Pens / £6.00

Like the pencils, these are a necessity. When it comes to revision, these are a God-send. Pairing these up with the 10 Subject Notebook (or any other divided notebook for that matter) will make things so much easier, as you will know what is what and what goes where!

(6) Pineapple List Pad / £5.00

This year I have moved into a house with 3 other of my friends. Even though we are not properly living there until September, we have all still been making lists as a group of what we need to buy and do to the house. Having one of these will be the saviour of our lives. It can just be stuck to the fridge, things can be added to it and then the paper can be torn off and off we go. It is so much easier than reading through old messages to try and find what somebody said needed getting, or whether we need full-fat or semi-skimmed milk!

So those are a few of the stationary bits that I am lusting over at the moment... What are you guys wanting so far?