How I Feel About Going Into My Final Year Of Uni

It is official. I am growing into an adult.

This time 2 years ago, I can vividly remember packing up all of my belongings and preparing to move into halls... and it only feels like yesterday. Today, I am currently sat writing a blogpost about how I feel about going into my final year of uni and ordering pretty stationary. 

If I am going to be 100% honest, I feel distraught about going into my final year of uni and nearly completing my degree. These past couple of years have legit flown by, and been the best 2 years of my life. I have met my life-long best friends, learnt important life lessons and found the person who I really am. 

Alongside learning everything from my degree, I feel as though I have also learnt the basic things in life which will stick with me throughout my future. I've learnt how to do a food shop every week (even though some may not see this as necessarily 'hard', trust me), I have figured out how to manage money for rent/bills/food shopping/luxury items, how to lead a balanced life and how to live my life and make the most out of it. 

As much as I do not want my uni experience to end, I have to accept it. It definitely has been a rollercoaster of events, but the best years of my life. 

For those considering university, I would always say go. Do not just go for the university lifestyle- always have a life plan ahead of you and focus on your goals and education, but the lifestyle will follow.

Make the most out of it. 

"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings"

- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

SLEEK // FACE CONTOUR KIT 'LIGHT 884'

Well I don't know about you but I sure do love a bit of contour.

When I look at other people who have perfectly defined cheekbones, I think to myself "damn, why can't mine look that good?!"... But then I discovered this little beauty and would you look at that, I actually have cheekbones now. 

I have been using Sleek for a couple of years now, and this has been my go-to contour kit ever since I discovered it. 

I use this in the shade 'light', because I am quite fair skinned. The bronzer is the perfect colour for me, and as for the highlight, it is just beautiful. The highlighter is quite subtle, yet you can absolutely tell that it is there. When it catches the light it looks all snazzy and shiny and wonderful.

This contour kit is a bargain at £6.49. The newest one I have, I received in May for my birthday. Even though the highlighter is on its last legs, the bronzer is still going strong and I use it every single day. Proof that you get your money's worth!

If you would like to give this bronzer a try, you can purchase it HERE. 

WHAT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION & ANXIETY IS REALLY LIKE // LIFESTYLE

Image can be found HERE

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post regarding my Mental Health Story which you can find HERE. Many people have different interpretations of what it is like living with depression and anxiety, so I thought that being a sufferer I would post what it is really like, to stop misinterpretations and judgements.

From experience, I know people expect and see sufferers to just be miserable and 'sad' all of the time. It may look that way and that is the view that is portrayed through the illness, but there is a lot more to what is just being seen from the outside. The reason I placed a cloud as the photo for this post, is because that is what it is like. Firstly, it feels like a cloud is constantly hanging over you and you don't know whether the cloud is going to go and the day is going to be clear, or if it is going to rain for days on end. 

I have been living with depression and anxiety for 6 years now, and everyday I still find it a constant battle. I know that people think that if you have depression then you can never be happy. That is not the case at all. Some days I will be incredibly happy, but like I said before I have a constant cloud over my head which can make my mood change in an instant. Anything can trigger off the side effects of depression. Some days I feel as though I physically can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to uni. The thought of getting the bus to uni alone terrifies me, and I find that I begin to feel so so sick, but that it just the anxiety kicking in. 

I am on medication for my depression and anxiety, and have been for 2 years now. I chose to go down this route because I feel as though this is the only method that helps for me. After trying all sorts of methods, I found that this is a last resort as nobody wishes to be dependent on medication for a long period of their life. However, after living with my illness for 6 years already, I didn't see what the problem is with relying on something that will eventually make me feel better.

One piece of advice that I will give to sufferers is that you always have to be honest and true to yourself. If you can't do that then you will not be able to access and take the help which is available to you. Because honestly, in the end everything will be OK. 

MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET'S // #1

I am living inside of a motivational mindset kind of world at the moment. This doesn't mean that I am being motivational physically, but spiritually I feel as though I need to get myself out of this negative spiral, I am slowly finding myself sinking back into.

I decided to add a 'Motivational Mindset' part to my blog, where weekly I will add the quotes I am living by that week to encourage myself and the rest of you who feel the need to be motivated. 

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." - Auguste Rodin

Quite often, I sit there and think that whatever I seem to do is always a waste of time. This makes me feel quite crappy about myself in some aspects, because I feel as though I should either be constantly on my feet doing something, or dedicating myself to something full-time. However, I then thought that because I go to uni I deserve to have some time off. I have just completed my first year, and the course I am doing is very demanding. It is constant reading, working out logical problems and trying to find answers to the unanswerable. I deserve to have some time to myself, and it shouldn't be seen as wasted time. 

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Like I mentioned earlier, I feel as though I am slipping into a negative spiral again. I have a tendency to overthink, which leads to anxiety and not wanting to leave the house. It makes you feel so awful about yourself, because I look at images of girls with flawless makeup on Instagram, or perfect bodies styling gorgeous clothes and I just feel like a potato compared to them. I came across this quote one night when I was in bed. It made me realise that I need to stop comparing myself to others in the sense of the way I look, academically and how strong I feel about myself, otherwise it won't do me any favours in the long run and it will just be an everlasting cycle.

"Don't say 'maybe' if you want to say 'no'."

I'm the sort of person who will always say maybe when I don't actually want to do something. For example I will say, "I might do it later" or "oh yeah maybe". I had a chat with my manager at work, and she inspired me to start saying no to the things that I don't actually want to do. People will see you as a pushover if you always say yes. My manager made me see that it shows those around you that you have control and lead of your own life, and that you are flexible and can do things in your own time. 

So there is my first Motivational Mindset post. I thought that these quotes may get you through the rest of the week as they have done for me.

Little Stationary Wishlist // Lifestyle & University Advice

Stationary is one of my all-time favourite things, and I just love to buy it. 

Seeing as though I am going back to university next month, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to put together a little wishlist with the things I am currently wanting, stationary wise! The majority of this stuff is from Paperchase, as their selection is just the cutest at the moment. Even though it is quite an expensive outlet, I just couldn't help myself.

(1) 10 Subject Notebook / £8.00

Last year at university, I had a NU Pad which had different sections in it. This was so handy for my different modules in lectures etc. however, I found that I had to purchase more and more as it just wasn't big enough to fit everything in. With this notepad, it gives you room for your different modules or subjects, with extra room for added notes. It is also colour co-ordinated, so that you can link everything up with different coloured pens etc.

(2) IKEA Candle Holder / £2.00

Even though this is labelled as a 'candle holder', I couldn't help think that my pens would look so cute in this on my desk. Firstly, its white which means it will go with practically every room decoration or design and secondly, they look large enough to fit a good amount of pens in. I myself would get a few of these, purely because I would want to sort out my pens into different pots so they are easier to find. For example, I would put all of my writing pens in one, coloured pens in another, tools in another and highlighters in another one. Bits of ribbon could also be added around the pots to add further decoration.

(3) Floral Journal / £4.50

Even though I have already displayed the 10 Subject Notebook, I think it is always handy to have a journal with you. I carry one in my handbag at all times, because I never know what list I might have to make, what phone number I have to write down etc. I may also have different ideas which I know I will forget, so having this is extremely handy. You can also keep this on your desk, or also in your handbag.

(4) Staedtler Pencils / £2.00

Pencils are a good shout. In lectures, I always get given photocopies of book parts which need to be read and annotated. I always use a pencil for this, because you can rub out any mistakes you make. Pencils are also good for doing first-drafts of essays. This way, you don't have to worry about making a mess of the paper with the pen, and little parts can also be added in easily.

(5) Standard Colour Gel Pens / £6.00

Like the pencils, these are a necessity. When it comes to revision, these are a God-send. Pairing these up with the 10 Subject Notebook (or any other divided notebook for that matter) will make things so much easier, as you will know what is what and what goes where!

(6) Pineapple List Pad / £5.00

This year I have moved into a house with 3 other of my friends. Even though we are not properly living there until September, we have all still been making lists as a group of what we need to buy and do to the house. Having one of these will be the saviour of our lives. It can just be stuck to the fridge, things can be added to it and then the paper can be torn off and off we go. It is so much easier than reading through old messages to try and find what somebody said needed getting, or whether we need full-fat or semi-skimmed milk!

So those are a few of the stationary bits that I am lusting over at the moment... What are you guys wanting so far?

TO MY YOUNGER SELF // ADVICE

If you read my post regarding my mental health story (which you can find HERE), then you may or may not feel as though I have a lot of advice to tell my younger self.

In my opinion, I have a lot that I would tell my 13/14 year old self. Not a lot of it would be in a kind or sympathising manner, but then again I have to think that I can't be so hard on myself because of what happened in my past. Things are in the past for a reason and we learn from the mistakes that we make, it is the only way we can achieve and become better people in life. But anyhow, here is some of the advice I would tell my younger self.

Everything happens for a reason

My younger self wouldn't have taken this advice on board. As I was so full of self-hate, I was a very stubborn young teenager. Obviously, my 19 year old self takes this on board and due to what has happened in my past I do think this advice is very true. Without what had happened, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be this strong, I wouldn't know how to deal with difficult situations and I wouldn't know how to take myself out of a negative spiral and place myself into a positive one.

Your parents/carers only have your best interest at heart

Me and my mum didn't see eye to eye when I was 13/14. This is down to the fact that I had an older boyfriend who she loathed, and because I didn't speak to her about how I was feeling and wouldn't let anyone in other than my dad. I constantly felt that I was being lectured, being told what to do and I didn't like it one bit. I felt too grown up for what I actually was. I have now come to realise that they did only have my best interests at heart. What they say, they mean because they love you. Even if it comes through to yourself in a horrible manner, they just probably don't know how to say it properly and just want you to understand.

Cherish your young teenage years

I don't feel as though I had the opportunity or option to cherish my younger teenage years. I didn't have the guts or courage to pull myself together, or rather pull myself into a positive spiral. I felt deprived of these years and I don't feel as though they really did exist at all. This could have been due to all of the circumstances that occurred, but then again I should have been stronger and enjoyed myself when I could. If I could go back in time and change that one thing, I definitely would.

Don't make any rash decisions

This is easier said than done. When you're looking at your younger self from an older self perspective, your mind has obviously matured and you have learnt more things throughout the years, even if it is only 5/6 years. But over the years, I learnt that the decisions I decided to make when I was 13/14, I definitely wouldn't have made them now if I was back that age again. I would have waited and thought things through, rather than think it was a good idea to make them there and then when the idea popped up into my head.

So it is a bit of a short post, but I don't really have any other advice to give to my younger self, and even if I did then it wouldn't be too nice. Writing this post has definitely made me think, and i highly recommend writing one of these for yourself if you can.

Jessie x

WHAT I LEARNT IN MY FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY // ADVICE

Before moving to university, everybody has their thoughts and perspectives about how their first year is going to 'pan out'. I had visions of my first year being completely different to what I have encountered. Definitely not in a bad way though, as I wouldn't change it for the world! But I thought that I would share with you what I learnt throughout my first year of uni, and maybe you could take a little bit of advice from this too!

All that lovely new kitchen-ware you bought?...

You will not use it. Not in a bad way, because you can save it for when you move into your house for the second year. When I moved into halls last September I brought plates, bowls, cutlery, mugs and everything else you can imagine. Except, Victoria Hall in Manchester supplied us with everything we needed without informing us first. So there was all of my nice new kitchen-ware sat in the cupboard, not being touched. However, even though I barely touched it, it still managed to get lost and when I was packing up everything of mine from the kitchen area to take into the new house, I noticed how many of my pans didn't have lids and how only 3/9 of my shot glasses actually made it.

What dignity?...

Okay so that is a bit of an exaggeration. You will have dignity - don't you worry - but I am focusing on how you look. It will get to the point at university where you really don't give a stuff about what you look like. I would stroll to the Spar in my dressing gown, and makeup from the previous night. It's just how I began to roll, and you will notice that everybody else around you is exactly the same. 

You're lovely and quiet?...

If you make friends with the type of people I made friends with, you will definitely not see your quiet  side very often. This isn't a bad thing, as I had so much fun hiding my quiet side and showing my true colours. I began to feel like I could be myself around complete strangers, who became my best friends. 

Oh THAT reading list...

Reading list? Nope. Every lecturer always bangs on about how you need to buy certain books for the course you're studying, because they will be needed and extremely beneficial. Beneficial maybe, but certainly not needed. I study Philosophy, and my lecturers would give us text book photocopies to take away with us, regarding what we had to learn. Don't get me wrong, I bought a few books off my own back to annotate, but I didn't need them. I just thought it would be easier than me scribbling my life away on photocopies. 

Who said your diet would consist of pasta and soup?

This myth is one of the biggest lies I have heard during university. Everyone always says "you looking forward to living like a student?", or "get ready for your diet of pasta and soup!". All vast lies which shouldn't be listened to. Me and my friends would often cook together, and the meals we would make up were amazing! One time, me and Minnie from Through Minnie's Eyes even had steak. Now come on, if you find the right shop e.g. Aldi, Lidl etc. you can eat meals which are half decent and enjoyable!

Night's out will become your new favourite hobby...

So when you go home and your parents ask "you found any new hobbies that you like?", maybe not mentioning that you attend all of the student nights throughout the week apart from a Sunday is a good idea. No matter how hard you try and stop this vicious cycle, you will always find yourself at the local student night, sipping away on £2 doubles pretending to be Kanye West. And yes. You WILL enjoy it.

So there is just a few of the things that I learnt throughout my first year of university. I will write a follow-up post on this, but for now here is a few to get your heads around.

What're you most looking forward to at university?